We need to talk.
In the beginning, our relationship was sweet. You used to greet me welcome whenever I needed you. You made my life so much easier, and you made my world feel safer. You took care of me. If I only had you, everything would be OK. I could get the information I needed to make my day go smoothly. And I could stay in touch with the few people I wanted to have in my life – you even introduced me to some new friends, who have proved themselves invaluable to me for years after you introduced us.
It has been a good relationship, Internet.
Up until now.
But you have changed.
Instead of being that sweet, caring partner, you have turned more and more into a psychopath. Yes, really.
Instead of waiting patiently for me to come to you, you have taken it upon yourself to chase me down. In the middle of the night, you wake me up, poking my ears and demanding my attention. Usually it’s not even important. You demand that I check what’s going on during the day, too, with all kinds of decoys. And if I don’t say anything, you will ask me what I’m thinking about or how I’m feeling. Constantly.
You never say it directly, but implied is always the sense of “You can’t do without me – if you leave me, nobody will love you. All of your friends will choose me – they love me, and you need me to keep them. You will have no one. You will die alone.Is that what you want? Go ahead and try and live without me, and you’ll see.”
As if this isn’t enough, you have started tracking me, too. You actually make maps of my whereabouts, at all times, unless I explicitly tell you not to. You even write down when I go to the store and how long it takes for me to drive there and back.
You spy on me when I buy something. Then you make sure the right people know exactly what I bought, so that you can trick me into buying more by placing similar products in front of me everywhere I go. Telling me that it’s only to give me the very best experience, that you are just trying to take care of my needs. You are just doing your very best to make me feel valued and loved. Right?
But the sad truth is:
You have become desperate, needy and clingy. It’s really quite pathetic, to tell you the truth. I know you think of yourself as this big, fantastic guy, but… sorry. It’s just… Ewww.
And Internet, dearest…
THIS IS NOT OK.
You cannot treat me this way and expect that everything will be OK. I am not your slave, and I am not to be used nor manipulated or bought. This is abusive behavior. Did you realize that? You are being an abusive asshole.
I really hope you’ll get help to deal with all this neediness. I knew you in your younger days, and you seemed to have a lot more potential than this. It is, however, not my responsibility to fix you.
This relationship is over. I guess I’ll be seeing you from time to time, as you’re kinda hard to miss, but I will no longer have you tracking me, spying on me, or nagging at me every second of the day. I have deactivated your means of contacting me on my phone, and all future contact will be on my own initiative.
Do not try to get in touch. You won’t find me.