OK, so I know I said that I’d be blogging in English again.
And I also know that it has been six months since I declared my wanting to blog again-ness.
You have to understand that …
I can’t even…
Short version of the last six months: My laptop broke down, due to some serious virus bullshit. I have been working on my master’s thesis, which is almost done – almost. My daughter switched schools because pretty much everything that could go wrong, went wrong, and that took its toll. I got, quite unexpectedly, into politics My financial situation is absolutely ridiculous, as I’m flat broke and just barely can cover the rent at the moment. And they found out that I have hypermobility syndrome, and will send me to physiotherapy. My only visitors, except for my boyfriend (who insists that I refer to him as Conan from now on!), have been from Jehova’s Witnesses (which I actually appreciate; nice girl who lets me rant on and on about religion’s impact on the environment, it’s kinda therapeutic!), and it’s all been a complete mess.
But now the virus is gone, and my laptop is OK again. My daughter is happy and tucked in for the night (except for when she absolutely needs to share something – the joys of having an extroverted child!). Everything is taken care of; all papers are where they need to be, all bills are under control, and yoga is saving my body from collapsing.
And I can blog.
Finally, I can blog.
It’s funny, though, the last few weeks I’ve been writing blog posts in my head like a lunatic, missing it so much, but now that I actually sit here… I’m drawing a complete blank. I guess I just have to get passed that first awkward “ahem” in order to release and get into the blog flow again. So this is officially that “ahem”.
So many things I’ve been wanting to get off my chest.
Ecopsychology. How we are actually mentally ill, going about it like we do. How we, as a race, just have to stop seeing ourselves as a blight – you know what happens from there. How we need to stop the shaming and the blaming, hard as is might be when your heart is breaking over the environment and the earth and everything that’s living – you know what happens from there, too. Blaming and shaming never healed anyone or anything.
How we, then, need to heal ourselves from within first, and forgive the unforgivable.
How I reconnected with the Goddess again – quite possibly and ironically because of all the lovely discussions with Jehova’s Witnesses the last six months.
How I see myself as an ecofeminist now, and how the root cause of everything that ails the planet is a gap between man and nature – and hence, man and woman. How we need to move on from trying to conquer the man’s world and instead become sirens to call them back home to earth and to us.
How I’ve changed my mind on a lot of things. And why I now have a caged, but very happy, chinchilla living with me again, as a direct result of some of the mind changing on my behalf.
How 2015 has been almost alchemical, and how the Nienna character is becoming less and less of a nickname and a character and more and more an expression of my real life self.
I could go on and on. And I will, now that my PC will let me again. Instead of staring into the dark, pondering and meditating, I will blog. I have a message to share. I have the need to write.
And I no longer care who will like it and who won’t. I will speak to my tribe, knowing you are there. Or that you will find me.
I have to do this.